You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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