Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
