Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
