well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize