I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
