First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
