The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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