If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize