It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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