surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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