you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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