smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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