Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
