I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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