So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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