I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
