I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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