You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
a search helicopter?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
