fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
