chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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