highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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