do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
