if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
