I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
