So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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