East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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