you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize