I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
