Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
