I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
