I can tuck mytits in my pants
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
