The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found your dick twin last night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
