So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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