hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
