Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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