We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
