My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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