I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize