Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
