My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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