rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
