I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
