I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
