It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
