She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
