i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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