just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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