just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
