DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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