We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
