Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
