i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
