i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
