my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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