You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
