evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
