I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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