I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Even my vagina gasped.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize