I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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