it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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