when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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