You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
