so that wasnt chicken after all
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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