your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
