All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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