i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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