I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
