I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
