My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
