He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
