Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
