Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
