Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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