My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
