We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
