She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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