But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
