just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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