I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
