In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
