$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
