even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
