he wants to bone in the snuggie
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
