OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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