This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
