Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
