I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
