You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
