are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
