I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
