Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
