Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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